Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is my gift to your gina
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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