Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
