My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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