Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
