Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
