if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found a bag of teeth...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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