i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
