You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
