No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
cake and sex. what better combination is there.