I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS