my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major