i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you