I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf