so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.