I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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