goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
