remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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