and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
