I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
