I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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