He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
