that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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