gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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