u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
