I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
