he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
