You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize