There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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