my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
