A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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