will power is for people who don't want to get laid
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
