I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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