god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
