you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
