it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
