you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
