All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
