she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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