I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
