At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
