College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
