i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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