you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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