All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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