who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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