yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
