Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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