Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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