took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
