that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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