That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
