How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
