Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
