i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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