They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I believe in your delicious
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He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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