I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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