Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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