that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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