Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
