just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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