We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
