So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
