This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
