i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
