You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
