so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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