his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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