There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
