I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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