dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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