Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize