I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize