Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
