Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
