Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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